The Sun Is Shining

But it's not feeling too happy. Ever since dad has been gone, I feel like there's a lot missing. I don't know if it's just because he's gone or if it's the thought of him being gone?? I honestly just feel like he's going to show up, or call, or write a note. I'm not sure how to get through all of this. And I can't say that Dad and I had a close relationship to where we called everyday or carried on long detailed conversations whenever we did spend time together, but he's still my dad and there's still something just gone from my life. It's an awful feeling to have someone just ripped from you. Death is never easy but at least whenever someone falls sick or hurt, you can prepare yourself and say your goodbyes and I love yous. We had no idea. God just decided that was the time for dad and didn't take the rest of us in to consideration. Growing up in the church you're taught to not "question" why God does the things that He does... I mean, we were always taught to question the meaning or the definition of things, but not really ever question the "why the heck?". But at this point, I can honestly say I can't stop questioning... I try and try to just tell myself I'll never know WHY but I can't. I have to keep questioning and questioning this path and why God put us on it. I think me not going through this like I need to is affecting my relationship with everyone else in my life. I am hoping to see the "window" that will shed some light open.